A soft word: communication help for the hapless.

Proverbs 15:1
A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.


Matthew 5:37
But let your communication be, Yea, yea; Nay, nay: for whatsoever is more than these cometh of evil.


We Christians are commanded to be honest in all that we do and say. We fight our human nature, which- if we're honest- desires to protect itself and lift itself up. 


We take great pride in "saying what we mean and meaning what we say." Yet, in relationships with others, this prideful bluntness can be very harmful. It can drive wedges between us and our co-workers, our spouses, our family, our friends, and our fellow Christians. It has destroyed careers and decimated families and churches alike. 


We love to say, "let your yeas be yea, and your nays be nay." When we say that, many times there's a smug self righteousness that sneaks through and is heard by others. What they hear is, "I'm gonna say what I feel. I don't care how you feel about it at all."


Proverbs 15:1, I believe, is the key to better communication. It is the method by which we can BOTH say what we mean AND not alienate most of who listens to what we have said.


While it is true that somethings we say, especially Biblical things, will hurt some people's feelings. This is a given no matter how nicely we try and word things. In these situations we need to remember: Proverbs 27:6
Faithful are the wounds of a friend; but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.

Some folks just need the unadulterated truth, even if it hurts them. We cannot short cut the word of God in favor of someones feelings- no matter how much we love them. 

By the same token, however, we cannot go around swinging our sword at all who come near. This hack and slay approach may make you feel good about how much you know and are telling the "godless heathens" around you. But, it truly won't win the vast majority to your cause. If you're married, or soon to be, then swinging your sword isn't going to gain you any good will with your spouse.

When we are speaking to others, we need to be prayerful about it and try to be led by the spirit of God in what we say and do. Instead of angry retorts, try rewording what you're saying in a way that both lets them know you care and helps them see what you're saying from a different angle.

We men, as heads of the home, truly struggle with this. There is a tendency for us to parade around as "the master of all we survey" in our homes. God has named us head of the home (understood to our male ego's as "Lord of the Castle") and "by God, they had better do what I say." This attitude belittles your spouse (who is your helpmate, not your doormat) and will drive your children away from you as well. 

Rather than giving orders, try prayerfully explaining your ideas and allowing both their feedback and (if there's time) time to pray and think about it, as well. Instead of telling them what they will and won't do "because I say so", explain your reasons for your conclusions and allow them to ask questions. They may see things in a way that helps YOUR understanding, as well. 

While the husband does have the final say (in Jesus) on what can and cannot happen with his family, it is far better (and easier) to do things in agreement. In this way you truly LEAD your family. You're not trying to force them into your will. Even God allows us freedom of choice.

Granted there are times in which you will have to put your foot down, or make a decision that only you agree with- making your family upset. However, when those times come, they'll be far easier for you than if all you do is force your will down the throats of your loved ones. Remember, scripture says that, Proverbs 11:14

"Where no counsel is, the people fall: but in the multitude of counsellors there is safety."

If you allow your family, especially your spouse, to be a part of your decisions, they are far more likely to follow you when they disagree. 

Major decisions, if possible, need to be done only in family unity. If all do not have peace about it, then take the time to re-examine and re-pray about it. Minor decisions, too, should be made together as much as possible. 

We have a hard enough time battling the influences of the world and our enemy without forcing battles in our homes. So, to my wife and family, I love you and am still learning. Please forgive me the errors of my past. 

A tale of three father's: Abraham

"Now the Lord had said unto Abram, Get thee out of thy country, and from thy kindred, and from thy father's house, unto a land that I will show thee: ...So Abram departed, as the Lord had spoken unto him..." Genesis 12:1-4

There are many great men in scripture, but few stand out like Abraham. He is called the "Father of faith".

First of all, it must be pointed out that Abraham was not perfect. The great thing about scripture (and one of the proofs of it's validity. After all, if it were, as some suppose, written after the fact as a way to try and prove the validity of it's teachings, the many faults of the people would not be included. These things would've been left out as a way to show how great the religion was, not included.), is that it always speaks the truth.

The great Abraham, who left home, family, and friends behind at 75 years old, because God had spoken to him, made many mistakes (don't we all?). He lied to at least 2 kings to protect his own skin. He displayed an appalling lack of faith, as well as caused many a problem for people today some 4000 years later, by accepting his wife's handmaid as a second wife in order to try and raise up the heir that God seemed to not be bringing. The resulting child, Ishmael, was not the promised son through which the Messiah would come. Rather, he became the father of the Arab world that gives us and Israel such a hard time. Sin does effect others besides the one who sins, even 4000 years later.

So why is he called the Father of faith? He left his homeland on a promise that he would be given a special land of his own, but he wasn't told where it was or how long it would take to get there. He repented when he messed up, but never permanently lost his faith in God. Probably the biggest reason, however, is that he had so much faith in God that he was willing to sacrifice the very son of promise- Isaac- when he was asked to, believing that even if God didn't stop him from doing it, then God would certainly raise his son from the dead! (Hebrews 11:17-19)

As we discussed before, to get back on topic, Abraham and Job were both alive at around the same time period. We already know why God did not choose Job to be the Father of many nations through whom he would bless the world- his parenting style. Why then did God choose Abraham?

We've already seen that Abraham was not perfect. Seemingly, in some ways, he was not as devout a man as Job was, so why Abraham instead of Job? The answer is simple and wonderful. It is also attainable for us today! Not being the "Father of faith" or the "Father of many nations". Those titles will forever belong to Abraham.

We can, however, obtain the blessing of God for us, our children, and those we come in contact with. Abraham was told in Genesis 12:1-4 that God would bless those that bless Abraham and curse those that curse Abraham. Can we attain this promise for ourselves? Yes, I believe we can. But what was it about Abraham that qualified him for this promise?

"And the Lord said, Shall I hide from Abraham that thing which I do; seeing that Abraham shall surely become a great and mighty nation, and all the nations of the earth shall be blessed in him? For I know him, that he will command his children, and his household after him, and they shall keep the way of the Lord, to do justice and judgement; that the Lord may bring upon Abraham that which he hath spoken of him." Genesis 18: 17-19

So what were Abraham's qualifications and what is the pattern for us to follow?

First, God said of him, "I know him..."! This is very important. God didn't say, I used to know him or I will know him, he said (present tense), "I know him". The first qualification is to be in current, active, and intimate relationship with God! When Adam and Eve were married, it says "and Adam knew Eve.." in reference to their intimate loving relationship together. God desires to "know" each and every one of us. He desires to have that spiritually intimate relationship with US! The first step of qualification is for us to "be born again". Acts 2:38 is the ONLY New Testament plan of salvation. It says for us to "Repent, and be baptized...in the name of Jesus Christ for the remission of sins, and ye shall receive the gift of the Holy Ghost." If you haven't done that, you will be unable to do the rest and you'll miss the blessings God has for you.

Second, God says of Abraham that "he will COMMAND his children and his household after him.."! The second key, father's, is that we are to BE THE HEAD OF OUR HOMES! We are not to cower to the wife and children and let them do whatever they wish and order us around. We are to be THE AUTHORITY in our home. A word of caution here is needed, however. This authority does not make us a dictator. If we are a dictator, we break 2 New Testament commands for us to follow and, therefore, disqualify ourselves as taking part in the promise we are studying today.

One is the command for us to love our wives as Christ loved the church and GAVE HIMSELF for it. This is not a dictatorship, but rather a loving and self-sacrificial leadership that puts her needs before his own, up to and including being willing to die for her safety!

The other command is the admonition to "provoke not your children to wrath". This, again is not a dictatorship. Rather, it is loving leadership that doesn't mind explaining why we do this and don't do that. A dictator will cause his children to become bitter and end up suffering the wrath of God.

However, it also is an attitude of "the buck stops here." The final decision maker in the home is the Father! The wife and children have the right to give input, but his final and prayerful decision MUST be followed by all in his home and he must love them enough to COMMAND that they not cross the line.

The final qualification is that his family will, as a result of his Godly leadership, "keep the way of the Lord, to do justice and judgement.." If we lead in a way that helps them to follow God's ways, then the result is a Godly home and Godly children!

But here's the real kicker, though: "...that THE LORD may bring upon Abraham (us) that which he hath spoken of him."! Even in this doing, God promises those of us who meet his qualifications, that he will help us to meet them and bring his blessings and promises to bear in our lives! What a promise and responsibility! God wants to bless us, our homes, and our family tree after us. What he needs is for us to lovingly submit to him in obedience.

Next time we will study, "An Isaac Faith". Until then, God bless!