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John 21:15-18King James Version
15 So when they had dined, Jesus saith to Simon Peter, Simon, son of Jonas, lovest thou me more than these? He saith unto him, Yea, Lord; thou knowest that I love thee. He saith unto him, Feed my lambs.
16 He saith to him again the second time, Simon, son of Jonas, lovest thou me? He saith unto him, Yea, Lord; thou knowest that I love thee. He saith unto him, Feed my sheep.
17 He saith unto him the third time, Simon, son of Jonas, lovest thou me? Peter was grieved because he said unto him the third time, Lovest thou me? And he said unto him, Lord, thou knowest all things; thou knowest that I love thee. Jesus saith unto him, Feed my sheep.
18 Verily, verily, I say unto thee, When thou wast young, thou girdest thyself, and walkedst whither thou wouldest: but when thou shalt be old, thou shalt stretch forth thy hands, and another shall gird thee, and carry thee whither thou wouldest not.
As a new home church pastor, I must admit to some frustration.
You pray. You study. You fast. You seek the mind and will of God for each service and each message. Finding this often brings tears and repentance in your own life. Yes, this is a good thing. Truthfully, whatever the congregation needs, the pastor needs it double!
When the Lord finishes working on you and gives you the message he wants for the congregation (again, it's doubly applicable for you), you're profoundly moved by God and are very hopeful for what God is going to do for the congregation.
The service starts and you move with the spirit of God and feel him strongly in the songs and the message. Not that any of the message is aimed at any particular person, but sometimes, you can see something make an impact on some of the congregation.
When the message is over and you're expecting to see people responding to God, however, many times all you seem to get is.... nothing. No response. No tears, No repentance. An occasional nod of appreciation (maybe) is about all you can get.
Oh, your wife seems to have enjoyed it. And she tries to encourage you.
But, as soon as the service is over, the enemy starts in:
"Wow. What a disaster!"
"You thought you were doing God's will. Where's the move of God?"
"Just give up. Nobody's listening and you're not the right man for the job."
So, yes. Frustration settles in and tries to grind you to powder.
In moments like this, the Lord will sometimes reach down into our frustration and give you some encouragement and help. He did that for Elijah when he fled in fear from Jezebel's letter. He met him there and fed him under the juniper tree.
Though it's nowhere near on the same level as Elijah, the Lord gave me one of those moments.
I'm not a paid pastor. The church doesn't pay me a salary (or anything for that matter). I make my living by working 60+ hours a week delivering bread to grocery stores and restaurants. Behind one of these stores, there's a small pond. In and around this pond has been a solitary goose for many months now.
Several of us bread vendors (the general name that stores call us folks who deliver products to them) have been feeding the poor goose with the stale bread we pull out of the store. It has a broken wing and can't fly off like the others of its kind to find a better home to survive in.
But, yesterday there was a change. The goose had a new friend living with it. I was excited to see that it wasn't alone anymore. So, before I even went into the store, I took some of the stales from a previous stop and began to break them into pieces.
As I threw the pieces out to the birds, they slowly turned and began to make their way toward the bread- looking at me with a wary eye. One started eating while the other kept a watchful eye. Then, the other started to eat, and the other stopped. It was as if they had a defense system set up.
It was then that the Lord spoke a word of encouragement to me. He said, "Just keep throwing my bread. They will come. It may be slow, but they will come."
So, with a thankful heart, I went into the store to deliver my product. Then, when I came back out of the store, I saw both geese eating- with plenty of pieces still on the ground for others to eat.
That's when the Lord spoke to me again, "And if you keep spreading my bread, they will still be feasting on it- even when you're not around. And there will be plenty left for others to eat."
So, to all you fellow preachers, teachers, writers, evangelists, singers, etc who struggle in your calling sometimes:
You're trying to do the best you can. But, it seems as if you're not seeing any results at all. Or if you are, it's just a tiny crack in the vast wall that needs to come down.
Don't stop praying. Don't stop reaching. Don't stop preaching. Don't stop teaching. Don't stop writing. Don't stop singing. Don't stop. Don't stop. Don't stop!
Because some are eating the bread of life you're sharing. Some are sharing the bread of life you're spreading with others. Some are being sustained by what God is giving you to give out.
Keep giving it out. One day, the seeds you're sowing will sprout above the ground. One day, a mighty mustard tree will grow out of the seeds you're watering.
Keep tilling the ground. Keep planting. Keep watering.
One day, the fruit will be both beautiful to behold and wonderful to see it feeding others.
