Saturday, June 13, 2015

A personal note: Please forgive me.

Matthew 5:22-24King James Version (KJV)

22 But I say unto you, That whosoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment: and whosoever shall say to his brother, Raca, shall be in danger of the council: but whosoever shall say, Thou fool, shall be in danger of hell fire.
23 Therefore if thou bring thy gift to the altar, and there rememberest that thy brother hath ought against thee;
24 Leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way; first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift.

This blog is very personal (and very difficult to write). The temptation here is to rattle off a bunch of things that others have done to me and my family and then say, "I forgive you." To many people, that would seem noble and magnanimous. But, it would be wrong. 
I can't do anything about what others have done against us. All I can do is forgive them and pray for them. But, what I can do is follow the scripture. Jesus says, " if thou bring thy gift to the altar, and there rememberest that thy brother hath ought against thee; Leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way; first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift."
I need to be closer to God. I need God's blessings on my family and our ministry. But, rather than point fingers at others, my job is to ask others to forgive me. Though I have repented of my past, there are many folks that I have hurt along the way. 
So, to the people I have angered (or been angry at), I'm sorry. Please forgive me. To the pastors and churches that we have helped, but then left in anger for one reason or another, I'm sorry. Please forgive me. To my family for all the wrong decisions I've made and actions that I've taken. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. 
To the brothers and sisters in the Lord, who, through my actions and words, have been hurt, or disillusioned, or angered, I'm sorry. Please forgive me. To the first church I pastored and failed. Please forgive me. 
To my wife, for all the times I failed you, I'm so very sorry. Please forgive me. To my daughters, for all the times I wasn't a good Dad and spiritual leader, I'm sorry. Please forgive me. To my sons for not being there for you at times when you needed me, I'm soooo sorry. PLEASE forgive me. 
Most of all, to my Lord and savior Jesus Christ. For all the times I've wallowed in self pity, gotten puffed up in pride and anger, dove off into old habits out of frustration, doubted your provision and tried to do it myself, I'm so so so sorry! Please forgive me, Lord. 
And you are my Lord. My supreme controller. From here on out, I give it all to you to do with as you will. If I never preach, sing, or write another word, I'm yours. As the old song says, "Here's my cup Lord. Fill me up Lord." Please heal the wounds I've left in all those I've left behind.